This was not the first time had read this story, however, in the past I had not put it into respective and instead associated the story simply as different nations and languages and their coming to be. This puts clearly establishes that most readers will have different perspectives of what they have read. Fugues states that if you cannot communicate then you cannot build anything. (Fugues, 2009) This concept is quite simple yet we more often than not will continue to overlook this critical concept.
For example, “Do it my way” also known as the dictator (This is me). The reason this is me is that I am always the commanding one. As Fugues says, I am one who holds such qualities as madding, demanding, directing, ordering proclaiming, ruling and the list goes on. All others are known as the Accommodate “Have it your way”, the Abdicated “Ill run away’, and the Collaborator “Lets find a way. ” In understanding these four individuals I was able to put into perspective individuals in my life and was able to categorize them according to my new found knowledge.
In my everyday life I know individuals that fit one of these types and fully understand their perspective a lot better now. Deborah does a phenomenal job at explain ins and analyzing steps that allow for effective confrontation. It is logically written making it easily understood when reading. Part three will be my main focus as feel it is the most essential of the book. The section focuses on the preparation of the encounter; preparation, time, and place, and anger management. Its main focus is on self as well as planning aspects. The process can only begin when an individual owns up to the problem.
In this part you must take ownership of your overall feelings and have the chance to express with your perceived opponent (one who you are confronting). It is important to be direct in your wording by saying “l” felt like… It is important to always take responsibility for your own actions. Ensuring that you speak the correct words as well as listening are the most important steps. Depending on individual perception our words me come out one way but interpreted in a whole different way and more than likely understood in a negative manner.
It is important to choose your wording wisely. God has an amazing way of bringing about unity and peace at a time of need. In this part we asking for guidance and the ability to say the right words when in conflict. God has a way of bringing peace and unity in a time of great need. This is the time where seeking his guidance and asking for the right words Come into play. By saying the right things in the right Way and listening to how it was reciprocated will be the defined moment on whether the confrontation was a success, not a success, or your message needs to be refined. Fugues, 2009) Overall Fugues authored and exceptional book filled with a solid foundation of thought provoking ways to confronting individuals without offending them. Concrete Response As read through the text, some personal life experiences triggered in my mind. In particular my commanding officer Cap. Jessica K Riley was the first to cross my mind. We are both of the dictator type, both are know it all’s, knows exactly what is best for one and other, etc. The problem is that we do not know how to communicate those concerns or solutions to one another.
For example, the idea on how to effectively lose weight and how vigorously to exercise to accomplish this is debatable between her and I. It is my opinion, that slow long runs best facilitate weight loss, in her opinion short high- intensity runs best facilitate weight loss. When speaking fifths topic, despite our good intentions we both failed to deliver through communication effective responses to the topic at hand. Therein lies the frustration on both of our parts as we both failed to understand each others logic.
Engaging in productive confrontation paves the way for diversity of thought, developing healthy boundaries, arriving at new, innovative approaches, better decision- making, and challenging the status quo, all of which are essential if we want to thrive in our lives and work. (Capricorn, 201 3) We must understand that when no one is willing to compromise the conversation over the topic at hand immediately ends and nothing is received from either side. I now have a firm understanding that by listening more and assessing my execution she will better understand where my point of view is coming from.
One must be able to relate, comprehend, and overall form understanding that changes no matter how small should not give the perception of the lack of tying. This should formulate in one’s mind that we are all different and weight loss is most effective when attacked in ways in which one’s own body reacts to physical fitness. This type of thought for analysis when conversing with her does not always happen but I fully intend on enforcing this on our ext conversation. This leads me to my next topic, Reflection.
Reflection I felt that this book was very well laid out in a manner that could easily be understood. It provided numerous examples throughout the text. Due to the nature of the topic and our ability to relate to it in our daily lives it can become an eye-opener. I personally would have liked to see certain topics expanded on more than others. For example, I would have liked to see more on how we could better work our opposites. In addition, I would have liked to see more on confrontational situations amongst friends and positive lotions on confronting attitudes of different types of friends.
For example, have a friend that in my opinion expresses his feelings extremely too much and allows those feelings to be manipulated negatively and relationships in which engages in. We tend to have difficulty when dialogue about these feelings, and frequently converse over the topic, which leads to my perception that we both failed to understand each others logic on this topic. Providing insight on how to dialogue and confront this friend would have been beneficial to me.
Ending our friendship due to our differences has never en an option instead both continue to work on our communication delivery in order to strengthen our friendship. Deborah made every effort to provide the most sound and logical book she could author; would recommend breaking the book down to topics such as communication, understanding, and change amongst others. Being able to reach out to her readers should be the focal point that would keep her readers waiting for the next volume that would enhance their lives.
This is in my opinion what she was looking for when she set out in writing her book. Action The word confrontation, has many meanings depending on who you ask. In addition, it would also depend on the context that the word confrontation is being used as to what definition were the understanding of the definition would be given. In order to understand or begin to understand and change your mentality about confrontation one must understand its true meaning and set aside all negative preconceived notions reference confrontation and focus on its true definition.
Confrontation is simply the act of coming together face-to-face to resolve an issue. (Fugues, 2009) The two actions that I am going to focus on are never make a decision or initiate action that involves the affairs or possessions of others without first consulting them and we must always verify the facts or the truth of the matter before we make accusations. Chose these two actions because I can best relate to them due to my military service.
I’m currently in charge of many soldiers often find myself being quick to make decisions without consulting or fact-finding which often results in negative perceived notions. Think before you act and take steps to preserve mutual dignity; for yourself and the other person. (Stainless, 201 5) have no ill intentions when making these decisions, simply with the best interests in mind of those affected. However, that communication may not always be conveyed or understood as such.
Decisions involving others should always include the opinions as well as the understanding of those affected. In doing so one rules out the others misunderstanding of decisions made because their input is involved in the decision. We cannot assume that because our intentions are noble or innocent, or because the cause is worthy, everybody will understandably happy with our actions. (Fugues 2009) It is always easy for one to assume what another meant when dealing with confrontation. We must make every effort to verify facts before making any accusations.
In doing so this allows us to better assess and most importantly allows us to better confront. When one fails to verify facts one’s actions can be misconstrued and rather than fixing the issue at hand things get blown way out of proportion and confrontation results negatively. When dealing with confrontation having the best interests in mind of those affected as well as possessing facts surrounding the circumstance provides you a better understanding and gives you the ability to better assess and provide an understanding when confronting someone.