Hassan AliHVCC English1/16/18Period 4 My name is William “Will” Wiener and I fucking hate gym class…
excuse my French but I really do. I wasn’t an athlete, I was just a loser 11th grader who needed to finish 1 more semester of PE so I can get my credit and finally graduate early. Regardless of all that I still had to make a ball move here, climb a rope there, and while I did for the most part I was still beaten up.You know what I’ve got issues with? The gym propaganda. There’s tons of it, coming from either your parents, teacher, or I the case the the school pays for their jobs, the coaches,”It’s healthy, it’s fun, you make memories you’ll never forget,”yeah fucking right, it’s all bullshit if you ask me. Well, my question is, why do over half the students in my gym class sit with a depressed look on their faces? They look at the ball go by, scratch a little, look up at the clock, and look at the ball go back by the other way.
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If they’re not going to enjoy the athletics and aren’t going to even try, then give these kids another option. Old Coach Banks, god he was a weird fuck for a coach. He could tell who wanted to be in gym, and who didn’t. He put all the boys who could, and wanted to, play basketball on the full court. Everybody knew that gym basketball was just as important as real life basketball, sorta like life or death in the sense that after gym whoever won got to brag that they smoked the other team’s ass. He put “us boys” who really didn’t like gym all together on a half court with some handicapped kids so we would talk about computers, comics, and other shit that us losers talk about, all while at least attempting to shoot a basket once in a while, yeah right but of course, whenever we did try to shoot a basket it would bounce off the bottom of the rim and end up in the full court or hit one of use dead smack in our face and then one of the larger boys would kick it at us and shout something about us being of gay, always looked forward to being called a fag..
.not. We boys on the half court had fun because there really wasn’t much pressure to do well. The kids who were on the full court had a nice, hard game of basketball. After basketball for the remainder of gym everybody gets to experience the proper ancient old tradition of dodgeball.Now there’s an interesting sport, really I mean it.
We used to play it all the time when we were kids. It’s a method of relieving stress for some kids, enficence on some; in other words, retarded dipshit idiots got to peg the living shit the smarter kids with inflated balls and get away with it. My biggest opponent in this game was Butch “The Bully” Anderson, I heard that he went to juvie because he stared at a teacher so hard that he snapped his back. Coach Banks encouraged Butch to let his anger out on all the puny kids because deep down I knew he liked to see kids getting hit with inflatable balls. He would demand that some of the bigger kids try for head shots, just to make things interesting.
“That’s headshot number two!” he would shout. I swear coach gets a thrill from watching kids like me get shitted on with a dodgeball, I guess it makes up for being such a fucking failure with his life.I could never really throw the ball very fast, or very accurately, or very far, so I would just try to avoid getting hit. Eventually I was the only one on my side of the gym, which is when the other kids decided to throw all their ball at once in the hopes of scoring a hit..
.and of course every single ball pegged me right in my goddamn face, hell one even made it to my “manly region”Am I mad at the gym teachers? Not really. They’re out there doing their best to keep everyone physically fit.
They also seem to be out there doing their best to keep everyone mentally unstable, psychologically unbalanced, and borderline psychotic, but physically fit.And if you don’t have your health, what do you have…nah I’m just kidding fuck gym, but hey at least lunch is always next period.